A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. - Proverbs 31
always wanted this to be true of me. And I've always been frustrated
by my efforts. No matter how hard I've tried to be a good
“helpmeet”, to make my husband's life easier for him, I always
seem to screw up and cause him more trouble. (He, of course, tells me otherwise, but what does he know.)
the weekend, I made our Christmas letter (a handwritten scrapbook
page that I copy to mail out) and realized I'd left something out he
wanted in. So I redid the page, made all the copies and stuffed them
in the envelopes . . . and then realized I'd messed up his new job
title. And then I opened the newly-arrived mortgage bill and
found that I apparently didn't get the mortgage paid last month
put down the mortgage bill and went out for a jog around the
neighborhood with tears in my eyes. I hadn't slept well or eaten
well during the Thanksgiving holiday, which may have contributed to
my emotional state, but my pity party was real. How could I have missed getting the mortgage paid?? Forget about whether
my husband was disappointed in me – I was now disappointed in
read something recently about spiritual pride. We usually think the
proud person is the one who thinks they are so righteous, that God
must be so happy to have them on His team. But it's just as prideful to think God is dreadfully disappointed in you.
I know that all of humanity is sinful, so sinful that we can not
possibly live up to God's righteous standards apart from His Spirit
making that happen within us. But I know that God is great. That He
knows we are dust. That He loves every person despite their sins and
foibles and failings, and He forgives us when we come to Him. That
He casts our sins has far as the east is from the west.
but mine. My particular sins are SO bad that God just can't get over
them. They are far too heavy for that east-to-west casting. He knows
that I, being more than dust and better than the dusty world,
was capable of better, and so His disappointment in me continues beyond
my repentance. He can forgive everyone else – but not me. MY sins
are greater than God's capacity to love and forgive.
see the pride there?
was a day in my life, when my eldest was a baby, when I had done
something to make my husband mad at me. I don't remember what it was,
but I remember just hating myself and how I always messed things up,
even when I was trying so hard to do the right thing. And I remember
thinking to myself, “I'm always going to screw up; I just have to
hope that someday, he will decide to love me anyway”.
think I'm crazy or anything, but I swear I heard a voice that was
almost audible: Long before you were born, I knew every
screw-up you were ever going to make . . . and I decided to love you
cried. And my life was changed. But I still need to be reminded.