I dreamt of cookies this morning. Chocolate chip cookies . . . oatmeal cookies . . . M&M cookies . . . peanut butter cookies . . . there were piles and piles of cookies around that needed to be bagged up and put away . . . and each pile had a couple broken ones that I ate as I bagged. And then it was breakfast and I was wandering around my dream-world kitchen struggling to think of something healthy to eat, but all I could think of was cookies . . . cookies . . cookies . . .
I'm having issues with carbs these days. After my weight loss in the last year or so (17-18 pounds), I've gained a few back. Only a few -- it's really not a huge deal, but I'm well aware that the way the weight came on in the first place was a few pounds at a time. Gotta nip it in the bud. Actually, the weight re-gain started with the addition of a new medication recommended by my sleep doctor last November -- a medication that did nothing and which I am now weaning myself off of -- so I'm hoping to find it to be the culprit. Wouldn't that make life easy?
But I doubt it will be that easy. I've simply succumbed too often to my life-long love for sugar and breads, and now it's catching up to me. I have a friend whose family has had to go on a strict gluten-free diet, and she described the physiological effect that gluten has on her children as being like a morphine addiction.
A morphine addiction! Wow. No wonder I can't shake this thing. It is a little like a high, I guess, the feeling I have after a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats. And one bowl is never enough. By the time I've swallowed the last spoonful, the craving for more is already rising.
I so wish I could have this kind of craving for vegetables or fruit. My Albanian friend has no use for carbs -- fruit is her addiction. What a blessing is that! If I force myself to eat an apple for an afternoon snack, I always feel like it needs to be topped off with a leftover roll. And that roll needs to be topped off with a cookie. Cookieeee . . .
And I'm back to my dream. They say dreams are reflection of what's going on in our psychological world. The carb thing must be conquered and brought into submission. It is time.