So, as you know, we took a trip to Boquete, Panama, with the purpose of considering a move there. And Boquete was absolutely beautiful. Lovely and fascinating people there. It was an exciting week! And as we discussed the idea of move a couple days ago, we found that we felt absolutely, positively . . . neutral.
Yep. Just kinda neutral. It would be fine to live there – some ups, some downs. But we didn’t feel any genuine pu-u-ull.
Hubby loved the terrain, but didn’t necessarily yet see a place for himself there yet.
I liked the climate and the ministry opportunities, but I still worry about the girls having much of a social network.
The youngest LOVED the adventure of Panama while we were there, but she realized when we came home that the adventure aspect would end and life might not be quite as exciting then.
The oldest . . . well, she told us on the first day she didn’t want to live in Panama. She’s had to deal with a lot of changes the last few years – and college is coming in a couple years – she just wants to limit dramatic adjustments in her life as much as possible. Understandable.
But overall, we decided that a collective feeling of neutrality probably isn’t strong enough to carry us through such a major decision. Not that neutrality is a bad thing. Personally, I find it very encouraging that I was spiritually brought to a point of submission that I was willing to do this thing – this thing so very out of my character – if it was God’s will for my life. Willing and cheerful, even. With little major anxiety. If the whole venture was just about bringing me to that kind of submission and trust and peace, it was worth it.
Or if it was just about making hubby consider his retirement years more seriously . . . what exactly God has called him to when life isn’t about financially supporting the family anymore. Or if it was just about the oldest thinking seriously about her next few years of life and what she wants to do and doesn’t want to do with them. Or if it was just about awakening in the youngest a passion for adventure. Yep, it was worth it.
Not that the idea of moving to Panama – or anywhere out of the country – is off the table entirely. We’ll continue to explore possibilities for a few years down the road. Or maybe retirement, when the girls are gone. But unless a job for hubby simply doesn’t pan out in the next couple months (and we came home to more possibilities open there), now doesn’t seem to be the time for this particular step.
It just seems that if God was beckoning us to this faraway place right now, he would have put in our hearts something more significant than a resounding “maybe”.