Despite Me

Our drama team is giving the "sermon" this Sunday. Pastor Jeff is out of town, so I wrote a drama that addresses the topic he was going to speak on: "Why are we here?" I have eight actors. We're rehearsing tonight and tomorrow night and then performing twice Sunday morning.

I'm nervous. I keep telling myself not to be, but I am.

I realized long ago, at a church far far away, that God put me in the position of running a drama ministry not because I'm particularly great at it but because it would force me to see how little I have control of anything in the world and how much I need to rely on him. Same reason my sleep problems persist . . . to keep me dependent.

I'm really not any great actress or writer, and certainly not a great director. I feel particularly inept as a director these days. But he has yet to let me crash and burn at any of the churches I've served in this capacity, so you'd think I would be able to relax and let go of the reins by now. Not so. God apparently believes I require further sanctification in this area, and I'm ashamed to admit he's right.

I once did a drama piece that involved a large mission team from the church. They were people in heaven, and they were all going to wear white robes . . . until my source for the white robes fell through. I pulled my hair out looking for 40 more white robes I could borrow, finally giving up and snapping at God that fine, just fine, if he wasn't going to get us those robes then he was just going to have to make this drama work without them.

Which of course he did. Without the robes, the people didn't need to go "backstage" to change. So they just came up to the stage from their seats in the audience at the right moment during the drama. Long story short, it was one of the most powerful pieces I've ever done. And all because we gave up on the white robes.

I almost heard God's voice tangibly that day: "See? My ideas are always better than yours."

This Sunday's drama sure felt from the beginning like His idea, not mine. So fine, God. Just fine. You're just going to have to make this drama work despite me. Like you always do.