Monday, April 23, 2012

My Apologies

Someone just suggested to me that my blog posts sound a bit self-righteous.  Sigh.  One of my biggest fears.  I've been accused of such before -- haven't I mentioned my status as a recovering Pharisee?

But that was most frustrating to me because I really work on that.  I try to share my many faults I'm working on (and that's tough -- not the sharing, but figuring out what to share and how in such a public forum).  I try to give credit for any insightful remarks I make because they are rarely my own. God doesn't often bless me with original thought -- only with, perhaps, a knack for making connections and a forum to share.  I usually use "we" instead of "you" when presenting ideas that are personally challenging (like the Sin Challenge business), and I do so very honestly because most of the challenging stuff I write about, I'm writing about because I'm being personally challenged by it.  Lord knows, the last thing I want to imply is that I know everything or have it all together.

Yet, it seems I often fall into that place anyway.  In a class I took once about spiritual gifts, the presenter told us that every spiritual gift has a negative counterpart to be cautious of.  Teachers tend to lean toward being know-it-alls.  As a then-teacher-in-training, and as a former teacher now, I have always tried to keep that in mind.  It's a hazard of the profession.

As I type this, my daughter is reading over my shoulder, saying, "But it's your blog!  What you write is supposed to be your own thoughts.  It's what you're thinking at the time.  It's not being self-righteous."  Maybe so.  But if my words are to have any impact -- and honestly, why bother writing them to anyone else if that isn't ultimately my goal? -- then they need to be heard.  And they will be dismissed if I sound like I say them with an attitude.

Anyway, my apologies if I come off as a self-righteous prig.  I often feel a strong conviction to share something God is teaching me, but I continue to work on balancing confidence and boldness with humility.  Your grace is always appreciated!


Anonymous said...

I always offended at your blog!! Totally kidding!! Keep writing from your heart and sharing what God is doing in your life and your families! We love it!

Ona Marae said...

you know who i really wish would apologize?? i have a dearest friend who has known me 28 years and known I was a lesbian, as soon as I knew, so that makes 22 years and still says "I don't know how I feel about homosexuality." She knows how she feels or she wouldn't say it that way....she is trying not to hurt my feelingss. If she has not seen my faith, my walk, my commitment in this time, there is nothing that is going to convince her, so just be honest. I am so wounded when people use "I don't know how I feel about..." as short hand for "I don't approve of ..." That's not your issue but it's what your blog brought up for meee....sorry about the rant.