Thankful

A few years ago, it was The Thing on Facebook to post something that you are thankful for every day during the month of November. Everybody was doing it. I think only one of my friends is doing it with me this year. But I'm keeping it up because I think it's a good spiritual exercise. We aren't nearly grateful enough.

This year, however, it doesn't seem quite as easy to come up with stuff to post every morning. I'm not quite sure why. Might be because I'm working again, and my brain is more occupied and doesn't roam as easily. But I think it's more that my perspective has been changing. I'm still thankful to God, but for different things.

I'm still glad that my family and I are healthy and safe. But I'm thanking God for the struggles we have had over the year that remind me that my family is in His hands . . . that I am not as powerful as I think I am.

I'm glad when I have a good night of sleep. But I thank God for the nights that I can't sleep and I realize how helpless I am to take care of even my most basic needs . . . and I learn to depend on Him.

I'm glad that we have such conveniences and luxuries as television, internet, and cell phones. But I'm thankful to God for the conviction I get on a daily basis that I'm using these devices as an escape . . . that I have been put here on earth with actual people he intends me to interact with and have an influence on . . . and that my tendency to escape into these virtual worlds shows how un-Christlike I am at heart and how amazing it is that my Savior chooses to love me anyway.

I'm glad that I have a job I enjoy, that uses my gifts well, that makes me excited to work every day. But I thank God that I am reminded every day that anything good that happens in my classroom is not a result of my planning or my brilliance or my talents . . . it's a result of God working in these kids' lives . . . hopefully through me, but often despite me.

I'm glad that I am not experiencing the trials many others are facing today. But I thank God for the trials I AM facing . . . because I am increasingly more desirous of an intimate relationship with God than I am of an easy, comfortable life . . . and I know that God only allows the trials He does to build that desire and that relationship.

And I'm thankful for the little inklings of that desire in my life. Lord knows, it is not natural to me.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. May we all be truly thankful.

The Night of Questions

I had the most wonderful evening with my family -- hubby and two daughters -- the night before Thanksgiving. After dinner (a late one, because I was a bit disorganized), hubby got out an old Book of Questions he's had for two or three decades and started asking away.

Would you enjoy spending a month of complete solitude (food and shelter provided) in a beautiful natural setting? Hubby was a definite yes; the rest of us were not so sure.

Does the fact that you have never done something before increase or decrease its appeal to you? This one definitely showed up the differences between our daughters. Those of you who know them don't even need to ask who said which.

If your friends and acquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to? I said no -- I would obsess over any criticism I heard and ignore the positives.

Assume there were a technological breakthrough that would allow people to travel as easily and cheaply between continents as between nearby cities.  Unfortunately, there would also be 100,000 deaths a year from the device. Would you try to prevent its use? We ladies said absolutely . . . until hubby pointed out that there are at least that many deaths a year from automobile accidents. Which then brought up the question: if we had lived at the time of the invention of the automobile and knew how many people would die each year in car wrecks, would we have tried to prevent its use? Much more interesting question, because it's hard to conceive of modern life without the automobile.

Would you like your spouse to be both smarter and more attractive than you? Hubby, of course, had to get smart-alecky with this one.

When did you last sing to yourself? Uh, a couple hours ago, in the car.

What was your best and worst experience with drugs or alcohol? Hubby asked this one as a joke, knowing neither of our girls uses -- and yes, we are sure of that. But we did get some interesting responses. The youngest remembered with disgust the church we visited a few weeks ago that used real wine for communion (seriously, the look on her face was priceless). The oldest mentioned a night when I gave her an Ambien and she was Skype-ing with a friend before she went to bed -- apparently, she was quite entertaining, her friend told her.

Would you give up half of what you now own for a pill that would permanently change you so that one hour of sleep each day would fully refresh you?  I was the only one that went for this one enthusiastically. There's a lot I would give to get fully refreshing sleep. Overall, though, I noted from many questions that money is not a big pull for me or my girls, which is good to hear.

Would you be willing to murder an innocent person if it would end hunger in the world? Oooooh . . .

Since adolescence, in what three-year period do you feel you experienced the most personal growth and change? The girls couldn't really answer this one . . . but hubby picked the ages of about 23-26 (interesting, because that's when we first met). I picked the ages of 26-29 -- my eldest was born when I was 27. So much in those years that changed who I am.

If you learned you would die in a few days, what regrets would you have? Surprising to hear the regrets my daughters have already in their short lives.

We spent about four hours sitting talking about this stuff. No TV. Just talking. It was wonderful. I will probably treasure its memory for years -- when the girls are gone and I'm remembering the joy of living with them, last Wednesday night will be one of the moments I remember.

Too bad I have no photo to put in the scrapbook.

Seeing the Invisible

By faith he [Moses] left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. (Heb 11:27)

Moses saw him who is invisible -- that is, God, of course.  How did he see him?  The burning bush, I assume.  He didn't see a physical being that was God (only first century folks living in Palestine had that privilege), but he saw a physical, material phenomenon that had no explanation and heard God speaking to him to authenticate the vision.

Kind of like how nobody can see the wind, but we do see the tree branches sway.

I wish God would make himself evident in this physical, material way more often.  It has happened to me on a couple of rare occasions.  Nothing as dramatic as a burning bush that is not consumed, certainly.  But a couple of honest-to-goodness material happenings here on earth that had no other explanation than that God reached down and acted in our measly human affairs.  Moments when I was sure of what I hoped for -- certain of what I could not see.

Here's the difference between me and Moses:  he saw him who is invisible, and it caused him to persevere.  I saw him who is invisible, walked in a spiritual high for a while, then gradually grew less and less certain of what I had experienced.  Moses is an example of faith.  I am an example of . . . something else.

I wish those experiences happened more often; but if they did, frankly, my spiritual walk wouldn't require much faith.  More physical manifestations of God would not strengthen me, I suspect.  They would make me reliant on the physical manifestations, not on faith.  (Remember: without faith, it is impossible to please God....)

Jesus came to earth and did miracles as initial evidence to those first century Christians of who he was -- but then he left, and they were expected to persevere.  Impossible in our human frailness . . . which is why he sent the Spirit.  Really, the church just doesn't teach enough about living in the Spirit . . .

In any case, I am thankful this morning (during this thankful month) that God, in his omniscience, knows when we need to see him who is invisible and meets us -- literally -- at our point of need.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jer 29:13)

Break Me; Mold Me

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.  James 1:2

Many years ago, I was taught a little formula for prayer which I tend to fall back on in my daily quiet time, just to get started.  “PART” = Praise, Admit, Requests, Thanksgiving.  Lately, the Thanksgivings have been a struggle.  That sounds like our life has been hard, or like I’m feeling ungrateful, but that’s not it.  Life has been good, and I’m full of gratitude.  But my new perspective on how God works in our lives has also changed my perspective on my blessings. 

I’m not sure that the things I’ve always thanked God for have been the blessings I thought they were.  Comfort, ease, security . . . oh, I know – I have friends that will be throwing anti-jinx spells at me for talking like this.  And I’m a bit fearful to tread this direction, also.  But comfort, ease, and security are not the goal anymore.

If the goal is to become more like Jesus . . . to grow in my relationship to God . . . to put off the old self . . . to “break the outer man”, as Watchman Nee puts it . . . to become a person that God can work through to accomplish his work – well, comfort, ease, and security don’t get me there.  Just like sitting comfortably on my sofa doesn’t melt the fat away.  Fat-melting requires hard work and sweat.

My youngest is spending this week on a “local mission trip”, sleeping overnight at the church and going out to various service projects each day.  She was very nervous; it’s the longest she’s been away from home by herself, and she didn’t really know anybody else going.  It was hard to drop her off, because I keenly felt her fears and so wanted the pain to go away.  I started praying for God to bring her a friend, for this to be lots of fun, for her to enjoy her week . . . and I still want those things.  But something in my spirit stopped me and refocused my prayers.  Lord, use this week to mold her.  The discoveries, the excitement, the fun, the fulfillment -- AND the fears, the tiredness, the loneliness, the embarrassments, if they come.  Use it all to make her the person you need her to be.  And please, be close to her through it all.

Thank you, Lord, for the storms and the trials.  I genuinely want to be molded. 

Thanksgiving Rest

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Our family is staying here in Sioux City, just us. I'm not cooking; we'll eat out somewhere. We have absolutely nothing special or significant planned other than relaxing and enjoying each other's company. And I am thrilled.

I realize that sounds kind of bad to say I'm happy to not be spending Thanksgiving with extended family. I feel a little bit guilty saying it. Really, it's not a statement about my family and how much I love or enjoy them. It's just a statement about Thanksgiving.

The ten years we lived in New Jersey, we were never with family for Thanksgiving. Because we were going to be traveling back to Kansas a month later for Christmas and staying for a while, we couldn't justify spending the money for Thanksgiving, too. The first year, I think I tried making a traditional dinner and quickly realized the silliness of that -- neither Keith nor I are crazy about turkey and interested in eating the leftovers for weeks, and Leslie being only two didn't make much of her own dent in the feast.

So, we started our own Thanksgiving traditions. We'd hang around in our pjs all morning long, watching the parades on TV. (Yes, we did actually take the train up to NYC to see the parade live . . . once.) I made a leisurely breakfast of waffles or pancakes or something and then we just hung around until we got hungry for lunch. Then we'd usually head over to Cracker Barrel for our feast, come back home and be lazy the rest of the day, maybe ending the evening with a Christmas movie on TV.

We always spend time casually talking about all the things we are thankful for. One year, when Creative Memories had just come out with a paper punch in the shape of a leaf, we punched lots of little red, orange and yellow leaves, wrote on them things we were thankful for, strung them up and hung them on the fireplace for a couple months.

Thanksgiving became one of my favorite holidays in New Jersey. No stress. No expectations. Just a quiet day with me, my family and God, truly taking the time to appreciate our blessings. It was a great way to prepare for the crazy holiday season that I refuse to allow to start until the next day. I wish I could find a way to redeem ALL of the holidays like this and make them something that adds joy and meaning to my life more than stress and hassle.