Done Fighting

The president of Exodus International recently put out an apology to all gay people who have been hurt by the actions of his organization.  In that apology he makes this statement:   "I cannot apologize for my beliefs about marriage. But I do not have any desire to fight you on your beliefs or the rights that you seek. My beliefs about these things will never again interfere with God’s command to love my neighbor as I love myself."

The bold emphasis is mine, because many on both sides of the gay marriage issue made much of that statement -- much of which I think ignores the statements before and after that one. In any case, I sympathize with what he is saying here.

While visiting San Antonio Christian Schools as we considered enrolling our daughters there (we decided against that), we were given a copy of the year's final edition of a student-published magazine.  A young man named Daniel Kishi (whom I wish I knew so I could congratulate him) wrote a fabulous and brave article explaining why he has changed his stance in the gay rights debate.  He has not changed any of his beliefs about marriage or homosexuality, he states, but he has become convinced that "politically opposing homosexual marriage hampers our ability to fulfill our calling."  He says it so much better than I could:

To vocally oppose such legislation is to burn down the bridge that might connect a believer to one of God's lost sheep. . . We harden their hearts and their potential receptiveness to the message that could result in eternal life.  While the traditional family community is standing up for Biblically sound principles, too often they get caught up in the debate and talking points.  They forget that there are more important things than public policy in the United States of America.  They forget that our goal is to lead people to Jesus Christ. . . We must do this by fellowshipping with those who are lost, revealing to them the absolute truths of the God-breathed Scriptures, and earnestly praying that the Lord works in their hearts.  By politically opposing the homosexual agenda, we greatly hinder the possibility of fellowshipping with those who have not been saved . . .

YES.

I was never very vocal in the gay marriage debate because I had inklings in my heart of what he expresses here.  And now I embrace those inklings.  I don't care anymore if gay marriage is legal in America.  I understand the consequences, and it's certainly not my preference -- but God is still sovereign, and I have bigger fish to fry.

I have received great encouragement from the book Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill.  (There are apparently other similar books out there; I just haven't read them.)  Hill's message is basically this:  "I am attracted to men.  When I met Christ, he didn't change that; I may always be attracted to men.  But I believe that God tells me in his word that he has better for me than to indulge that attraction, that acting on those impulses will be bad for my life here on earth and will stand in the way of my relationship with him.  And I am confident that he is telling me the truth -- and I am confident that an intimate relationship with him will be more satisfying than any other relationship.  So I choose celibacy for now, and God is daily giving me the grace to do so, difficult as it is."

I am encouraged by that not because his testimony is another weapon to use in America's pervasive "culture war".  I am encouraged because I have my own pet sins that stand in the way of my relationship to God (we all do), and my battle with them isn't nearly as public or difficult as the one Wesley Hill is waging . . . so his faithfulness increases my own. 

This is my hope for my homosexual friends: not that they give up a gay lifestyle because I or anyone else on earth has convinced them it's wrong -- but that they come to know God intimately and passionately.  I'll let God deal with their sex life.  He's quite capable.

And now I'm tired of this topic.  I'm moving on.

Rose-Colored Stained Glass Windows

I read yesterday some interesting facts about colonial America.  We tend to look back on the Puritan era as a time when the church dominated society, for better or worse.  But apparently, it wasn't necessarily so.  In 1776 only 17 percent of the people living in the soon-to-be United States were members of a church congregation.  And even in very Puritan New England, about a third of all first births that happened between 1761 and 1800 came less than nine months into the marriage of the parents.

Just goes to show that we tend to look on the "good old days" with rose-colored glasses (if one could consider the Puritan era as religious good old days . . . but that's another post).

It was an interesting coincidence to read these statistics yesterday, because I knew I wanted today to write about the following point that Ed Stetzer makes in his  article I referred to in my last post:

Fifty years ago, Christians comprised the mainstream in America and were fully accepted as a cultural majority. Many during that time did not stand up for those who were weak and marginalized. The "good old days" so often longed for were also times of racial oppression, gender discrimination, and theological confusion. So, pining for those "moral" days of yore is like chasing a mirage. The past simply wasn't that great for many when Christians had more influence.

Yeah.  We forget those things.  If there are those out there who fear a Christian-dominated nation, we may have given them good reason for that fear.

Every time we move and start looking at other churches, I find myself initially attracted to churches that feel like the one I grew up in.  And there were wonderful things about the church of my youth -- I wouldn't change that aspect of my early years at all.  But having grown up now, I am aware of the things I wasn't aware of at the time.  The tension and discomfort the very few black members of the congregation felt.  The strain on my sister's homosexual friend.  The marriages that were falling apart behind the scenes, or staying together more for appearances than for any other reason.  The generation of young people who were not getting the grounding in their faith they needed to continue. 

Christians who rail about the moral condition of our culture today need to remember three things.  One, the unregenerated are going to behave like the unregenerated.  Just what else do you expect of them?  That's exactly how you would behave if you were in their place.

Two, there are far more unregenerated within the church walls than we want to believe.  Church folk may have their own lingo and "secret handshakes" that separate us from the world, but too often, that's all that separates us from the world.  I believe the last statistic I heard about divorce had the divorce rate of church-going Christians slightly higher than the general public.  Shameful.

Three, the situation today grew out of the situation of yore which you are fighting to maintain or restore.  The happy, traditional, Christian world you seek where you can float through life as happy, traditional, Christian people never existed . . . and never will.  The world is a battleground. It always has been.

As Stetzer says, we didn't do a very good job of things when we were "on top" -- and that's why we may be losing the culture war now.  I just thank God that the "culture war" and the fight to keep a "Christian nation" aren't the fight God calls us to wage here.

But that, again, is a topic for another post.  :)

Swimming Against the Current

I had a couple friends comment that my last post was appropriate for the day the DOMA and Prop 8 decisions came down.  Truth is, what I wrote was not in response to or in anticipation of the Supreme Court's business -- it was just my heart these days.

But I do have a response to SCOTUS's actions.  I hesitate to write it, however, because someone else already has -- a man named Ed Stetzer in this article here.  There are a few points of his I'd like to elaborate on, though.  Actually more than I can cover in one post, so expect a short series here.

The first concerns this remark he makes:  "We must realize that believing what the Bible says about sexuality will increasingly put us at odds with our culture. Pressure will continue to mount to accept a worldview rooted in cultural acceptance rather than biblical revelation. And we must prepare ourselves for the day when acceptance will not be enough—affirmation may be demanded to be a part of society."  (emphasis mine)

I have friends who insist to me that affirmation will never be demanded.  And I think they probably believe that.  I don't.  I hope I'm wrong -- and if I am, I will gladly admit so and eat my words publicly.  But I fully expect that there will come a day in America when I and others like me who continue to believe that homosexuality is not a way of life blessed by God will be ostracized and persecuted.  I expect businesses to be shut down . . . I expect preachers and other public speakers to be fined or jailed . . . and I absolutely, positively expect to lose friends, maybe even long-time ones.  And I will cry when that happens.

My fear, however, is that THAT fear is what is driving the ever-waning opposition to the gay rights bandwagon -- and what is driving once-opposing people to hop on.  I suspect that an awful lot (maybe even a majority) of the people who complain about the legalization of gay marriage do so not because they have any concern about the welfare of those who engage in the practice.  They do so because they don't want the wind to shift against them.  They don't want their lives to get hard.

As long as Biblical Christianity was the default in America, people like me have been swimming with the current.  From now on, we'll be swimming upstream, against the current, and some of us fighting to stay afloat.  And THAT's what people are afraid of.

So, a word to my complaining friends:  suck it up.  Nobody promised you a rose garden.  Quite the opposite.  "If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also", Jesus said.  There are people in other countries right now who are put in jail, who have their homes and businesses burned to the ground, and who are tortured and killed for their faith.  Paul talks about the joy of being considered worthy of suffering for the Lord.  Christian martyrs in ancient Rome went to their deaths joyously singing hymns.  We are WIMPS.

A strong body requires exercise.  A strong mind requires study.  And a strong faith . . . well, it probably requires persecution.  So be it.

More next week . . .

Three Words to my Fellow Believers

Some friends reacted to my last post thinking I was going too easy on Christians.  Hmph.  And here I was concerned my Christian friends would think I was too judgmental of them.  Whatever.  In any case, it occurred to me that there actually are some words that should be said to the American Christian community that I’ve probably never said publicly before.  I pontificate a great deal about people needing to call out wrongdoing on the part of our own.  So, in the spirit of practicing what I preach, here goes.

Dear fellow believers:

1) Stop hating.  Seriously.  As I’ve emphasized so many times before, I know most of you don’t hate.  But the truth is, many of you DO.  Many of you look at, say, the gay man running the cash register at your local Target (or the slick-haired conservative preacher eating Chik-fil-A) and immediately feel repulsion.  You don’t love him as Christ does.  You want him to go away and stop making your world something you don’t want it to be.  Admit it – you do.  Deep down in the depths of your soul, that ugliness is there.  Stop calling it righteous judgment or some such nonsense.  It’s hatred, and it’s ugly.

If this describes you, I suggest you do a prayerful, extended study of the book of 1 John, not to mention the gospels.  Love is a defining characteristic of a child of God.  A defining characteristic.  If you are not loving, with all due respect, you have much more reason to be worried about your own eternal destiny than about your Target cashier’s.  That not me judging you – that’s me encouraging you to exercise some critical judgment on yourself.

2) Stop it with the “Christian Nation” talk.  It’s irrelevant.  Whether or not the United States ever was a Christian Nation, it is not now.  What we have today is a nation where the majority of the people claim a shaky allegiance to a religion that they little understand and rarely practice. 

And if the U.S. ever was a Christian nation, it was so by consensus and not by legislative fiat.  AND if it was and is no longer, that is because Christians have failed to live the faith in a way that won the hearts of the people.  It’s our own fault.  Don’t get your knickers in a bind blaming the unbelievers for pulling the nation away from Christ.  Just what else did you expect unbelievers to do?  The onus was on us.  It still is.

3) Get serious about your relationship with God.  Not about your culture, or your doctrine, or your heritage, or your denomination, or your creeds.  Your relationship with God.  Because a depressing number of Christians don’t have one to speak of.

Your relationship with your church is not your relationship with God.  Your knowledge of scripture and theology is not your relationship with God.  Let’s be blunt here:  an appearance of godliness is easy to fake – I know of which I speak.  Jesus made it quite clear that there will be a whole host of folks who spent their days on earth crying, “Lord! Lord!” to whom he will be saying, “I never knew you.”  That is, you and I did not have a relationship.

Are you worried about the moral decline of our country?  Do you know who changes the world?  Jesus does.  Do you know how people meet Jesus?  By seeing him in the lives of Spirit-filled believers who mean it when they call him “Lord”.  Spiritual revival and social justice both start with God’s people getting themselves right with God.  Get off your soapbox, and get on your knees.

Which is what I’m about to do right now.

An Open Letter to my Gay Friends

All of you know me and know I love you.  I sincerely hope you read this in the spirit in which it is intended.  This whole Chik-fil-A thing clearly poured salt on some open wounds and requires some post-mortem analysis, I think. For those of you associating ugliness from that day with the evangelical church, let me try to explain some things.

You know that Christians are not always Christ-like.  Most of you, my gay friends, are Christians, and you know you’re not always Christ-like either. 

The vast majority of evangelical Christians do not hate you.  They are not afraid of you, as that ridiculously over-used term “homophobic” implies.  They don’t sit around smugly thinking, “Well, you asked for it,” when they hear of the pain you experience.  Most of them feel genuine grief over the pain you experience.  In fact, “grief” probably sums up their feelings about your situation.  They believe God has better for you, and they’re so sad that you’re not experiencing that.

But that’s only how they feel about the whole sexuality thing.  That’s not how they feel about YOU. They define YOU by more than your sexuality . . . or they try to.  Sometimes that’s hard if it seems like it’s all you define yourself by.  Some of you, my personal gay friends, have told me how frustrated you are also when gays do that.

I’ll admit, many Christians may question whether or not you’re genuinely saved.  But don’t you question whether or not some of them are genuinely saved?  That’s not productive behavior for any of us.

I’ll admit, a lot of them are uncomfortable around you.  In some cases, that’s because they’ve cocooned themselves away from the world as much as possible, looking for a safe, easy life from the safe, easy god they’ve created in their mind – and you represent an unwelcome invasion of real life into their cocoon.  Don’t judge them too harshly.  History is replete with examples of people surrounding themselves with “their own kind” to affirm who they are.  It's an instinct, one tough to fight.

In other cases, though, it’s because, frankly, they don’t know what to do with you.  This ideal of hating sin but loving the sinner is one that only Jesus was able to perfect.  They likely feel the same way about you as they feel about their cousin who is living with his girlfriend, or their neighbor who slyly admits to using pornography, or the elder at their church who clearly has too much love for his wealth. 

They LOVE that cousin, that neighbor, that elder.  And they’re afraid for that person.  They’re afraid to keep their mouth shut and allow the sin to continue and grow and fester and hurt the person they love and damage the faith community.  But they’re also afraid to speak up and be castigated for doing so, labeled intolerant and hateful.  And they're afraid of their own sins being cast in their face in retribution.  And they’re also afraid of being totally wrong in their assessment of the situation. 

So, often only the callous have the courage to speak up, and they don’t speak well. And the fearful who don’t speak up are too fearful to try to fix the mistakes of the callous.  And because it all comes out badly, the gay community believes bad things about the church as a whole . . . and the few Christians who get it right are put in the bad camp without a proper hearing.

It’s all kind of a mess, and it all makes me very sad.  I’m sorry it got this way.  Jesus said his disciples would be known by their love, and we are not.  The church is made up of sinful human beings (like yourselves) and a whole lot of us are, unfortunately, not as dedicated to Jesus as we are to our own self-drawn picture of Christianity and a Christian nation.  I ask you to give us some grace. And I ask you not to judge us by the ugly vocal few – just as you don’t want to be judged by the ugly vocal few.  And when that handful of us get this love thing close to right, please also give us a fair hearing.