Watching With Your Brain On

The eldest's boyfriend was with us over the holidays and my girls introduced him to "Once Upon a Time" -- and got him properly addicted, like the rest of us are. Thanks to Hulu, as of yesterday, our family is caught up with the rest of the world and ready for new episodes to begin airing March 1st. Counting the days.

My 9th grade Bible class had an interesting discussion last week about entertainment and how we decide what is okay for us to watch as believers and what is not. An important verse we focused on was 1 Corinthians 10:31: So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Whatever we do must glorify God -- that is, it must proclaim who He is and the greatness of who He is. 

So, can we glorify God by watching a TV show that was not made to glorify God? Well, maybe.

The key point in our lesson was the need to be an active viewer and not a passive one. Most people (believers and nonbelievers) seem to use TV and movies to veg out to -- they just sit and absorb mindlessly, not thinking much about what is entering their minds. This is a problem. Because even shows that ARE made to glorify God will be imperfect and may have content that we should not be absorbing mindlessly. (There are even stories in the Bible that would be dangerous to absorb mindlessly.) We must engage our brains at all times when they are being influenced by narrative and images.

For example, I've talked with one of my daughters about some of the recurring themes in "Once Upon a Time," such as I will always find you. This is a motto for Snow White and Prince Charming, two of the main characters, who throughout their adventurous relationship are always being torn apart and seeking each other again. Doesn't this phrase bring to mind Jesus' parable of the lost sheep? God never abandons His own, never lets them stay lost; He will always find you. These two very imperfect characters are exemplifying one of God's most glorious attributes: his unconditional, never-failing love.

Another recurring theme: Magic always has a price. (Although I think I've only heard this phrase applied to what the show refers to as "black magic" -- "white magic" or good magic never seems to be as costly. Nevertheless . . . ) Whenever someone seeks out a magical solution to a problem, a solution that involves disrupting the natural order of things, they are always warned that it will cost them something. And yes, looking for answers outside of God's order and will . . . this would be sin. And yes, it always has a price.

But the prominent theme right now in the series seems to be the question of a person's nature. Evil is not born -- it's made, we have been told throughout the series. And we are always treated to the back story in every evil character's life, the things that happened that turned them bad. They weren't always this way; something or someone messed them up. And this is something I appreciate in the show. I have always taught my daughters to remember when they are wronged by somebody that this person is probably acting out the wrongs that have been done to them over the years. Sinners need our compassion more than our condemnation.

But the reason for this is because "there but for the grace of God go I." We are ALL sinners; we are all wrongdoers; we all have the capacity for great evil within us. Even the good guys in the show have done some terrible things. Snow White, the ultimate goody-two-shoes, murdered the Queen of Hearts. Even she has darkness in her heart. 

The big question now is can they change? Regina, the evil queen, is trying desperately to be a better person. Mr. Gold is trying desperately to appear to be a better person while still hanging on to his power. Can they actually change? Or are they doomed to the fate written for them by the Author of the storybook? 

It remains to be seen how Kitsis and Horowitz, the show's creators, will answer that question. But while watching, we remember that we already have the answer to the question. We know how people can change. We know the Author and the means he provided to rescue His fallen people. When we engage our minds and "have a conversation" with the show as we watch it (as opposed to mindlessly absorbing), we remind ourselves, and anyone listening, of what the truth really is, of who God really is and who we really are. We are making God known -- glorifying God. 

There's a fine line, of course, but I don't think I'm rationalizing my addiction here. I genuinely do find that watching this show helps me clarify truth in my mind. I find this with some other shows that fellow Christians object to, as well -- Harry Potter, for example. Paul points out in one of his letters that we cannot separate ourselves entirely from godlessness as long as we are living in the world. We must learn how to engage with it in a godly way. 

I hope I'm teaching my girls that. Turning off the TV is easy (and at times necessary), but turning on your brain is much more difficult -- and much more important a skill to learn, I think. The world we live in doesn't have an "off" button. It requires us to engage our brains.

Disconnecting

So, I'm gainfully employed now, and this job thing is cutting into my Facebook time. I've turned off my mobile data on my phone so I won't rack up time without realizing it when I'm away from home – that means I don't get Facebook notifications while I'm at school. And when I'm on my laptop there, I'm doing schoolwork and, frankly, don't even think about checking Facebook (and when I do, I feel guilty doing so while I'm on the clock).

And you know what? I don't miss it that much.

I really don't. No offense, my beloved Facebook friends, but I can get through several hours without wondering what you might be doing, or reading articles you might be linking, or liking pictures you might be posting. I realize this shouldn't be astonishing news, but judging from my computer behavior this summer, you'd think otherwise.

And you know what else? I actually feel better when I'm not on Facebook so much. I thought FB was a way for me to relax and veg out, but I feel MORE relaxed when I haven't been on. My brain feels better. I feel more in touch with the world when I'm not all virtually connected.

But you know what else else? When I get home and sit on the sofa to rest a minute, I still immediately get out the laptop, click into Facebook, and waste more time scanning my newsfeed than I'm willing to admit here.

Is that not crazy? What the heck's wrong with me?

A friend posted a blog the other day (yes, on FACEBOOK – sue me) that really hit home. The author wrote about her coming to realize that “me-time” is actually more bad for her than good. One reason: it put her in a frame of mind where the activities of her everyday life were a burden that she deserved a regular escape from – not the way you want to feel about the place where God has placed you. But another reason was, she realized that her activities of choice for her me-time (social media, primarily) actually didn't relax her at all.

I think that's what I'm discovering. The things that I do on my laptop to "unwind" don't actually do a good job of that. Social media, games, none of it.

Now, that doesn't mean I need to give up Facebook entirely. As I've said in an earlier post, there are other valid reasons for me to do the social media thing; it has more to offer me than relaxation or entertainment. But I think I need to be more honest with myself about why I'm getting on when I get on, and then stick to that purpose. I need to kick the habit that makes it my automatic go-to when I'm feeling a little stress, because I now realize that Facebook does not relieve that stress, as much as I deceive myself into thinking it does.

And my first step may be to delete the Facebook app on my phone so I don't get notifications all day long that pull me in. Deep breath. I can do this. And you can do it with me, friends. 

How to View Like a Christian

Our youngest is struggling with a decision. This summer, in her copious free time, she began watching and loving a certain TV show, a show with great characters, excellent writing, witty humor . . . but with very inappropriate storylines. (I wasn't sure about her watching the show either, but I didn't stop her. I freely confess my failure in this area as a mother: over the years, I have done a terrible job of policing my children's TV time, and I still do.)

Now, she is feeling convicted that she shouldn't be watching this show. And let me start by saying I'm incredibly proud of her hearing and responding to this conviction completely on her own without her parents' interference at all. But she has come to me for advice on the matter, and I'm trying to figure out how to advise her. The easy answer, of course, is to tell her to turn it off. But the easy answer isn't always the best answer. I don't just want her to obey me today; I want her to develop wisdom and discernment on this issue that will carry her throughout her life.

The reality is, there is very little around in the way of video entertainment in our day that has nothing objectionable in it. If we eliminate everything that doesn't conform to our Christian beliefs, we are, for all practical purposes, eliminating everything. I know people who have taken that route and would promote it to others; I just don't think that's realistic for our family. Cocooning yourself from the world is cozy, but your salt and light are trapped in your cocoon with you.

These concerns came up as I assembled my reading list for my Freshman English class this year. Most of the classics one needs to read in high school English classes are not “Christian” literature, and they include decidedly unchristian elements. Odysseus cheats on his wife. Shakespeare's comedies have a lot of bawdy humor. The violence and cruelty in A Tale of Two Cities is painful to read at times.

But part of our being made in the image of God is that we approach life in terms of narrative, and Story is a necessary way of making sense of our world. One of the complaints I have about most “Christian films” I've seen is that, in a well-meaning attempt to not glorify sin, they have sugar-coated the stories to the point of making them unreal and therefore meaningless. They are just as bad as the shows that DO glorify sin. None of them are real, and so none of them serve the purposes that God intends narrative to serve in our lives.

I'll be teaching my students this year that almost all of the stories we read will have an element of truth in them – but it is always incomplete truth, truth that needs to be informed by scripture. We can't avoid storylines with ungodly elements because the world we live in is an ungodly world; we have to learn how to read – and view – with a discerning mind.

Which brings me back to my daughter and her new favorite TV show. To watch or not to watch? The truth is, I have watched some very ungodly shows that have drawn me closer to God because they depicted the reality of sin and made me all the more grateful for a God who loves me enough to rescue me from that reality in myself. I've also watched some ungodly stuff that really messed me up.

So here's the advice I think I will give her: ask yourself, when I watch this show, does it bring me closer to God or further away? Do I find myself making excuses for the behavior of the characters I watch, or do I find myself sorrowful for the pain they don't realize they're causing themselves (like I would for a friend in that situation)? Do I see my standards changing for the better or for the worse because of watching this?

And in the end, really, is there something else that would be a better use of my time?

I am becoming increasingly cautious of ever using television or movies as “mindless entertainment”. We do need mindless entertainment on occasion, but unfortunately, we can't afford to rest our minds while we allow the world's images and stories to enter them.

This Old Dog's Learnin' New Tricks

Yesterday, I started an online master's level course about Teaching Reading in the Secondary School through the University of Phoenix, something I need to do to get my Missouri teacher certification reinstated so I can get a Texas teaching certification. Three significant things I have picked up already in my first day:

1) Online learning is DA BOMB! I am loving this so far! Of course, I think some of the credit has to go to the University of Phoenix who was a pioneer in the concept and seems to have this all down to an art. Easy access to University Library materials at my fingertips . . . simple classroom set-up so I can find assignments, materials, and instructions easily . . . quick and efficient means to post completed work and discuss assignments with the teacher and other students . . . everything done on my own schedule . . . oooh! Ahh! I expect I'll find some things to annoy me later, but for now, I love it.

2) The "New Literacy" movement fascinates me and irritates me. Irritates me because of their
hijacking of the word "literacy". Literacy is supposed to refer to the ability to read and write. But now "literacy" is often being expanded to mean the possession of a set of knowledge about a topic. Being "technologically literate" means knowing a lot about technology, not just having the habits of thinking and reading strategies involved to pull information from technological sources. Language evolution sometimes makes a term more convoluted, I contend.

On the other hand, I much appreciate the idea that a general literacy does not necessarily apply equally to all subject areas and information sources. A student who is an excellent reader of literature can be a lousy reader of scientific text. Masters in the different disciplines approach texts in different ways, with different strategies, and those strategies need to be explicitly modeled and taught. I've always contended that I never did well in science because I don't think like a scientist -- and surely a great science teacher could have taught me how to do that.

Another fascinating aspect of "new literacy" -- that reading online media is a qualitatively different process than reading print media, and it requires, again, explicit modeling and instruction for students to do it effectively. I think I know this instinctively, but need someone to articulate it clearly for me to be able to do something with the knowledge. Looking forward to learning more about that.

3) I am SO out of touch with online and digital technology. I know how to use what I use, and that's about it. In my reading yesterday, I was introduced to terms like "wiki" (the word that "wikipedia" came from -- I didn't know there was such a word), "ning", "hyperlink" (okay, I knew that word but only vaguely -- couldn't have defined it if I had to), "webquest" . . . oh, my. And not only that, I can use these when I teach! I mean, not just find a website where some other techno-genius has set something up where I can send my kids to learn something. I can make my OWN wiki, where I create my OWN webquest where kids look at MY hyperlinks -- or add their own hyperlinks to show their understanding and connection-making . . .

Oh, oh, oh . . . the possibilities!

So, yeah -- I'm kind of psyched. Between this class, and my curriculum writing for the fall, and my having my daughters sitting around me most of the day to enjoy their company, this is a good summer.

The Facebook Dilemma

Recently, a Facebook friend posted a video of a guy urging people to quit Facebook. (Yes, a bit ironic.) The final straw for him: apparently FB has added (or is adding, I don't remember which) a new feature where they can listen in when you post a status, determine from the background noise where you are and what you're doing, and add that to your status. Something creepy to that effect.

The video post also had a link to another post explaining how to permanently delete your Facebook account. And another explaining how to "quit Facebook without quitting Facebook" -- how to set-up your FB so that you're not unwittingly sharing info with the scary world that could take advantage of it but still keep a very limited presence there for the times you need it.

Quitting Facebook without quitting Facebook. I've considered such a notion in the past.

Privacy wasn't my concern -- although now I'm wondering if it should be. I've always figured that I have nothing on my page that I want to hide from anyone, and I'm a pretty boring nobody in the world. Who would care about my life enough to stalk my page and go through the effort to find something there to use to against me?

No, my concern has been that Facebook has become far too much of a presence in my life. Especially since I got my phone that yells an ugly "DrroOOIId!" at me every time something of any significance happens on my account. I spend way too much time stopping to see who liked my last status.

I spend way too much time reading comments from people I don't know on things I've commented on recently.

I spend way too much time scrolling my newsfeed for the rare amusing or interesting item.

I spend way too much time reading articles my friends have posted that may be amusing or interesting, but most of the time don't add much of real value to my life.

But there are things I would genuinely miss if I quit FB altogether. Things that I really do think add value to my life. For one, my world on FB is much wider and more diverse than my world in real life. If I only interacted with the people I see face-to-face, I would for the most part only be interacting with other straight-laced conservative Christians in our own social class (especially since our move to Texas). Frankly, that may be very comfortable, but I don't think it's good for me -- not socially, not intellectually, not emotionally, not spiritually.

I would also have a pretty limited understanding of a lot of issues facing our country today. Hearing what my differently-minded friends think of what's going on in the world forces me to try to understand issues from another point of view and helps me solidify why I believe what I believe -- and sometimes change what I believe when I clearly need to do so -- and often have more compassion or respect for others with whom I disagree.

I would also miss the connection with scores of people around the country from multiple eras in my life whom I would never communicate with if it weren't for Facebook.

The other problem with quitting? The vast bulk of my blog readers come from the links I post on Facebook. Yes, I mainly blog for my own benefit, but it would stink to do all this writing and nobody read it.

I'm torn. Social media is like a drug. Even when I'm determined to only look at FB twice a day, I'm drawn back in by something that presents itself as important enough to be an exception. I can't partake in moderation. I'm afraid I need to go cold turkey or give up the fight.

Sigh. First world problems. (Note that I didn't put a hashtag on that. Thank God I never let myself even LOOK at Twitter.)

My Nook

I got a Nook for Mother's Day. I'm still deciding what I think of it.

Don't get me wrong: I wanted a Nook -- or a Kindle, something of the sort. As I'm planning for my world literature class I'm teaching this fall, I realized how many books my students are going to need to purchase, and I started wondering if it made more sense to have them invest in one of these devices (which they could use throughout high school and beyond) and carry it back and forth to school each day instead of a book. Save money and prevent back strain. Still exploring that possibility.

But I mean, in general, I'm still deciding what I think of my Nook. I like that's it's small and light. This would be such a JOY to take on trips versus the pile of heavy books I usually carry in my suitcase (because yes, I take books on most trips -- if nothing else, I'm going to need to read at night to go to sleep). I like that I can highlight things and make notes about them and then erase those notes if need be later without leaving a mark of any kind.

What do I not like? It's not a book.

As I was searching the online store for books I could buy and read on my new toy, I found myself hesitating on many because I thought, No, that's one I want a hard copy of to put on my shelf. It seems like any book I love, I want in paper in my hand. C.S. Lewis? I want that in paper in my hand. I want the pretty cover and the spine showing on my bookshelf . . . not an icon on an electronic device.

Plus, just browsing the selections at the Nook store, I was a little disappointed at the prices. Yes, there were quite a few bargains, and some free books, also -- especially among the classics, which I would be inclined to buy. But a lot of current books cost $17 or so, which is sometimes pretty costly even in a hard copy. I can't imagine why a book needs to cost that much without the actual printing costs involved.

I blogged about a year ago about getting a smart phone and how I realized immediately that this was going to change my life. And Lord knows, it has -- some for the better, some maybe not. One of the first things I was excited about was that I could keep my to-do lists on the phone, and yes, that has been awesome. But the thing is, I still have days when I find I need to make a written list. I need to put a pen in my hand and a scrap of paper on the table and write down what I need to get done that day . . . group things by category . . . order them by priority . . . and I need to do it by hand. I need to cross each item off by hand. I can't explain exactly why. But it makes everything feel better, some days.

That's what I suspect I will find about my Nook. I think this will be a great thing for school, a great thing for travel, a great thing for my practical reading needs. But reading is not all about practicality for me. And when reading is about comfort, I think I'm still going to need a real, honest-to-goodness book.

Lovin' Technology Today

My first significant trip away from home, away from family, was a week at church youth camp some summer in the middle of my junior high years. I remember being very nervous before we left and very nervous for the first couple days when everything was new and awkward. But by the middle of the week, I was adjusting to new stuff, even the stuff I didn't like (public bathrooms with mass showers? Ew . . . ), and having a great time. But by my last night there, I was done, ready to be home again, which is a good point to get homesick if you're going to.

My youngest had her first big trip away from us last week: a week in Washington D.C. with her class at school. They stayed at a bed and breakfast outside of the metro area and took day trips to Mount Vernon, Gettysburg, and three times into the D.C. mall area. They saw the Capitol, the National Archives, the Supreme Court building, the Library of Congress, the Smithsonian's U.S. History Museum, the Crime Museum, Arlington Cemetery, and several memorials around the area. And probably more that I'm not remembering now.

They had an amazing whirlwind trip, and my daughter loved it. She also was homesick and ready to be done by the last night, but it was a great experience for her.

But the big difference? Cell phones. And social media.

When I was at camp that week, I had NO CONTACT with my parents. None. I sent them a letter while I was there, but I think I got home before the letter did. That was hard on me, but now I'm thinking about how hard that was on my parents. To have no idea what I was doing, how I was doing, if I was enjoying myself or miserable, if I was sick or injured . . . were they stressed out? I wish I could ask.

My daughter, however, had her cell phone with her. We were able to text her at almost any time during any day and find out exactly how she was doing. She and several others from the group posted photos to Facebook every day, so we knew exactly what she was doing and where she was going and what she was seeing and how much fun she was having. Her dad was even able to send her a short video of her dog when she started missing him.

And I'm wondering, is that better than a week with no contact? I'm sure it was easier for her (and us), but was it better? Did I get something out of that week of complete separation in junior high that was good for me (and maybe my parents) and that would have been good for her (and us) to experience? Might we all have learned to worry less and trust more if we had been forced to let go of each other more completely for that week?

Maybe. But right now, I'm just grateful as all get-out for cell phones.

Yearbook Duty

Apparently, I'm a yearbook-y kinda gal. Who'da thunk it?

When they asked for junior high student volunteers to help with the yearbook earlier in the year, my daughter volunteered -- mainly, I think, because she has this thing about being involved in everything possible and giving everything out there a shot to see if she loves it. One of many things I appreciate in her. But she's not that into photography (unlike our eldest), and, well, I just wasn't sure this would click with her.

And when the current sponsor approached me at a meeting asking if I'd be interested in taking over that duty next year, I was more than hesitant. It just didn't sound like me. And it sounded like a lot of work.

But last Saturday, there was a workday to start putting pages together . . . and I think the youngest and I are about to become junkies.

You know what creating a yearbook is these days? It's scrapbooking. Digital scrapbooking. Have I mentioned that I used to be a Creative Memories consultant? Oh, yeah. This is SO right up my alley. Choose a background pattern. Click and drag pictures. Reshape, rearrange, add text, choose fonts . . . we could have done this for HOURS.

I dated the yearbook editor my senior year of high school, so I have some concept of what it used to take to put together a yearbook. It was a huge task. Hours in the dark room, among other things. This is not the case anymore. This thing is a breeze! This thing is a joy, even! I may very well end up loving this gig.

Now, fortunately, another mom is in charge of the photography end, because that part I couldn't do well. She'll have a crew of folks taking pictures at events -- we just tell them what events we need pictures from. And other parents in the school contribute pictures, too. The school has a site on Shutterfly where anyone can upload pictures they took pertaining to school, and anyone from the school can download what's there for their own use. Kinda cool! Especially for us moms who are forever forgetting the camera or who are too occupied with the actual event to remember to chronicle it for posterity.

And do you know, even selling the yearbook is easy now! When it's all finished, we send an email out to the parents with a link to the website. They order their own directly from the company: a hardback copy, a softback copy, or an e-book. (An e-yearbook! Modern times, folks!) Not only that, get this: if they want to, they can pay a little extra to add some more pages at the end with their own personal pictures before it gets printed. Isn't that amazing? Forgive me if this is old news to you all who have had kids in school all this time. I'm just astounded.

So, one mom is in charge of photography. I'm the staff mentor. And my youngest and her best friend are the student editors. And I'm excited about this now!

And I'm not sure why that surprises me so much. But what a pleasant surprise!

8 Things I Have to Say About Enumerated Lists

It's no secret that I'm on Facebook a lot (more than I should be, truth be told) and that I like to read articles that friends post there (you may note that they are often fodder for my own blog posts here). So, allow me to make a few enumerated observations about these articles:

1) A large number of these articles are enumerated lists. You know, "6 Things I Learned From Slamming my Finger in the Door".  "8 Reasons to Buy an Eight-Track Tape Player This Holiday Season". "The 40 Best Gregorian Chants of the Decade". Not only that, but I've noted that . . .

2) The number of enumerated lists seems to be increasing. In fact, I believe the majority of FB articles I see posted are these types of articles, and this was not always so. But I see a reason why, because personally, I find that . . .

3) I am more likely to click on and read an article if it is an enumerated list. Even if I might not necessarily be that interested in the topic otherwise. I'm not sure that I would have normally cared about pictures of dogs and their recent misdeeds, but the fact that the title informs me that there are 30 such pictures here available for me to see, for some really bizarre reason, draws me in. In addition . . .

4) My blog posts which are enumerated lists seem to get more hits than normal. Every once in a while, I post a list of three's:  "Three Lies".  "Three Reasons Not To Date".  "Three Things NOT To Do When a Woman is Crying".  I'm always surprised at the traffic they get. And it's not because they are more brilliant than the other things I write. Nobody knows how brilliant they are until they read them, and they have to click on them to read them. People are apparently more likely to click on them when they see the number in the title. In other words, I'm not out of the mainstream in that regard. Now this fact leads to the following . . .

5) I find myself wondering why we are more likely to click on enumerated lists to read. As I said, I don't even have to necessarily be that interested in the topic at hand, but a number in the title draws me. And clearly, others have figured this out, too, or there wouldn't be this plethora of such articles popping up. And I have a theory . . .

6) Enumerated lists are easy to skim. Most of them are formatted the way I have formatted this one: the main point is in bold with an elaboration of that point following. This means that I can just read the points in bold if I choose and get the gist of the thing and decide if it's worth deeper reading. Or I can pick and choose the items that I want to hear more about and read more closely there. And because of how I think, I jump from this fact to a larger observation about our modern world . . .

7) Our attraction to enumerated lists reveals a shallowness in our society . . . or at least in the subsection of society that makes frequent use of social media and the internet as a source of information. We live a mile wide and an inch deep. We revel in sound bites and catchphrases and witty captions plastered over photos of angry-looking cats. If you didn't come to Facebook with ADD, you are likely to leave Facebook with it.  No, that's incorrect -- you're not likely to leave at all.  And a final note . . .

8) My wondering about our attraction to enumerated lists is not in the least bit strange . . . no matter what my eldest says about it. She is always telling me I wonder about the weirdest things.  "Why do you want to know who Wurzbach Parkway is named after?  Who cares? What difference would it make if you knew?" No, this is a very normal and practical wondering I'm engaged in. It speaks to effective communication and the nature of humanity. Nothing weird about it. "Weird" . . . please . . . this from the girl who pondered last week why the rear wheels on school buses are placed so far forward, leaving so much of the body of the vehicle suspended over air in the back.

And she made me wonder about that, too. If anybody can answer that one for me, I'd be much obliged.

No, It's Not an Addiction, But Still . . .

Every once in a while, an event happens in your life that is all too revealing of your true self.

On one of our trips down to SA to visit before the move, my daughter introduced me to Candy Crush Saga, just as something to pass the time in the airport.  And it served that purpose quite well.  Mindless activity that could be interrupted at anytime yet made the minutes tick by a bit quicker. 

I'd heard a lot about my friends who were addicted to the game, but I didn't expect myself to get too hooked.  You only get five "lives" at a time, and you have to wait 30 minutes for another "life" when you've used them up.  Unless I decided to pay for more lives (which I had no intention of doing), there was a built-in monitor to keep me from going on too long.

I still have never paid for more lives . . . although, when I got stuck on level 65 for a few weeks, I did pay for one of the extra help things to try to move the game along (see?  I don't even know what they are called -- I can't be addicted).  The extra help didn't help me; now I know not to waste my money again.

Last week, I was stuck completing a "quest" to move on to a higher level (if you play, you know what I mean; if you don't, it doesn't matter).  It was a level I'd completed earlier, so it really annoyed me that I was not able to clear all this stupid jelly again.  Finally, in one glorious round filled with striped candies and sprinkled chocolates, the jelly was all eliminated and I rejoiced to move forward.

Except it didn't let me move forward.  It said I failed to complete the level.  Apparently, there was a point goal in addition to the blast-all-the-jelly goal, and I didn't get enough points.  (Never had that happen before . . . I didn't know it could happen . . . )

Here's the thing, folks:  I almost cried.  To have that moment of exultation and then suddenly crash down to the pit of failure again just about brought me to tears.

And that little voice inside of me said to my despairing self, Really? This is who you are now?  You've let a stupid, monotonous game on your phone that has no connection with or consequence on reality drag you into a pit of despair?

Now, I do realize that my emotions are a little more on edge these days just because of the general stress level in my life, so I don't blame the game entirely.  But it was definitely a wake up call.  Games are supposed to relax you . . . and this game is not relaxing me.

So, I've put myself in rehab.  I'm not allowing myself to play Candy Crush at home any more.  I'm limiting that game to times when I'm out and about and have a few minutes I have to wait for something and little else to do with my time.  At least until the rest of my life has calmed down and my emotions are more settled.

Now, Sudoku . . . no restrictions there.  I can control that habit.  Yes, I can.

#lookingforlove #allthewrongplaces

I nearly jumped a curb in the van yesterday when the friendly DJ on the radio, who fills in the gaps between songs and ads with entertaining factoids, informed me that one-third of new marriages these days are the result of relationships that began on the internet.

Are you kidding me?!??

Now, I realize I'm nearing old fart status.  The world is a different place than it was when I was dating, I understand.  I know how the internet has changed the way we interact and all.  I even have friends who met through a dating website and who seem well-matched and happily married.  So, maybe this is just me.  But.

I still cannot imagine seeking out new relationships on the internet, much less committing my life to one of them.  You know, friends, people lie.  The web is like a virtual reality world -- you can put on any face you want and be whoever you want with few or no consequences.  Even with the people I talk to on Facebook, who are ALL people I know (or once knew) in real life, I understand that they are showing me only the part of themselves that they want to display to the world.  This isn't the real them.

Of course, face-to-face interactions can be just as false.  I mean, that's the whole problem with dating -- it's not like real life.  You're going out to entertain yourselves and each other, putting your best face on and your best foot forward, for a few hours at a time.  Once you get married and start actually doing life together, a completely different person can emerge.  But the internet makes those false faces even easier to don and maintain.

I am so glad to be out of the dating scene.  If I were to lose my husband (God forbid) and have to start over . . . well, I just might not start over.  Dating is scary to me now.  At least dating with the idea of finding a lifetime partner . . . and I wouldn't date with any illusions that we're "just enjoying each other's company" because I know how falling in love can slip up on you unawares. 

Marriage is great -- but marriage is hard.  Hubby and I have spent almost twenty-four years now growing up together and figuring out who we are and how we mesh and how to make life work . . . and I still don't think we're "there" yet.  It is truly a life-long process.  A wonderful one -- a challenging one -- one I wouldn't give up for the world -- but one I have no desire to go through again with someone else.

Especially with "JoeBloe24" whom I only know from the internet.  Yeesh.

Dear Mr. Malware Jerk

So, it's Saturday night, and our family is relaxing in hubby's apartment after a long day of traipsing all over San Antonio checking out neighborhoods we might want to live in.  Hubby and I are on our laptops:  he's playing for me songs I don't know from a top 100 Beatles hits list that he found, and I'm playing online Sudoku while I listen.

Suddenly, my game disappears and a different scary-looking, official-looking screen pops up.  It informs me that the FBI has been tracking me on the web and caught me visiting child pornography sites.  They've shut off my internet access and the only way I can get it back is by clicking on this handy link here and paying a two hundred dollar fine within 72 hours.

Yeah, right.

My techie husband immediately gets on his own unaffected laptop and finds a site with instructions for three possible ways to get rid of this malware -- none of which work.  He spends much of our free time in the apartment the rest of the weekend trying to free up my laptop for me (much to my chagrine -- I had plenty of other things I was interested in doing with that time).  In the end, I had to take it in to Dakota PC on my return to Siouxland for them to fix.  The man there said half of the computers he had in the back to work on were infected with the same malware.

Now, here's what I wonder: who's getting fooled by this scam?  Who is actually clicking on that link and paying these jerks two hundred dollars?  Do people see this and say, "Darn it!  They caught me.  Better pay my fine"?  Do people see it and think, "I know I haven't intentionally looked at anything like that -- did I do it accidentally?  Gee, I'd better just pay the fine. I don't want to have to deal with the FBI"?  Are people just willing to pay two hundred bucks, whether they've done anything wrong or not, just to get back on the internet quickly?  (And surely they realize that doing this just opens them up to more hacking from the malware jerks.)

Are there really enough stupid people out there that would fall for this to make it worth the while of the jerks who created the stupid virus?  Are they seriously making a lot of money?  Or do they just have a lot of time on their hands and a grudge against modern society that makes them want to disrupt random innocent people's lives just for the fun of it?

If that's the case, Mr. Malware Jerk, you lead a sad life.  Seriously, dude -- get a hobby.  Might I suggest Sudoku?