Tired. Again.

I haven't talked about my sleep problems for a while.  I haven't needed to.  For you relatively new readers who didn't know I have sleep problems and want the back story, you can get the full story here; start at the bottom.  It's a long saga.

So, January 1st this year, I went cold turkey off my sleep meds and haven't turned back.  After a month or so of fumbling a bit, I seemed to fall into a routine that worked.  I was going to sleep relatively quickly, sleeping pretty solidly it seemed, for a few hours, waking up around 3 or 4 for a little bit, falling back asleep again and up at 6 or 6:30.  Usually a good 6 hours of sleep at least, with little waking that I was aware of during the night.  And functioning quite well during the day.  I praised God every morning.  It was wonderful!  I was thrilled.

Until about a month ago, when it started getting harder to drift off to sleep.  And then I was waking up more during the night.  And yawning more during the day -- big, gaping, break-your-face yawns.  The last straw was when school started and I found myself nearly falling to sleep doing reading with the youngest on the couch.

I'm back where I started. 

I could almost cry, but I just don't have the energy. My last four years have all seemingly revolved around figuring out what the heck is wrong with me and my sleep cycle, and I have apparently made no progress of any kind, other than, perhaps, to eliminate possible answers -- that would be, every possible answer any doctor came up with. 

I don't know what to do.  It seems absolutely pointless to go back to the doctor -- any doctor.  No doctor can fix me.  And it's not like I'm in desperate straits here.  I'm functioning.  I've survived through life for years and years like this and I can keep surviving, even thriving.  It's just that it's absolutely ridiculously stupid that my body is not able to figure out how to do this most basic of simple tasks: fall asleep and stay asleep.

Sorry for the downer post, friends.  As I said quite a while back, I've accepted that this seems to be my personal thorn in the flesh -- the persistent trial that God allows in my life to keep me dependent on Him.  I've accepted it.  That doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.  At least not today.